Exploring Crushes on Personality vs. Physical Attraction

Have you ever experienced a crush where you were drawn to someone's personality first, while your physical attraction was more subtle? This isn't a rare phenomenon, as many people find themselves in this unique situation. I'll share an anonymized story that highlights the complexities and challenges of such a crush.

Initial Introduction and Personality Crush

I must preface this with the fact that I have kept my identity completely anonymous. Sharing this story could potentially hurt those involved, and I deeply care about all the people I mention, even those with whom I no longer have a romantic relationship.

While I was physically attracted to someone, the primary draw was their personality. My attraction to their physical appearance was more about visual aesthetics and the way light and dark played off their features, akin to black and white photography or architectural design. This type of attraction is often referred to as an 'artistic' or 'light' form of physical attraction. There was no sudden desire to indulge in physical intimacy or a sense of 'being all up on/in that'. Physical attraction for me was more about a balanced draw towards their aesthetic charm rather than a raw, immediate, and intense physical lust.

Personality Attraction as the Main Draw

I often found myself deeply engrossed in conversations with this person, realizing that the connection was more mental and emotional than physical. The personality was the driving force behind the initial attraction, and it expanded over time, enriching the relationship. However, once physical attraction developed, the initial comfort and familiarity associated with being with them shifted to a more conventional romantic attraction.

Immediate Physical and Romantic Attraction

Interestingly, there was a rare instance where my romantic and physical attraction came together instantly. This situation threw me into a state of mental and emotional chaos for a while. I was particularly quiet during this period, but the intensity of the emotions was undeniable. This crush followed a period of deep conversation and understanding, but I was not entirely sure of their romantic interest in me.

No Romantic Outcome

Despite the immediate and intense physical and emotional attraction, there was no romantic outcome. However, our relationship remained strong, and we became very good friends for about 10 years. My ex-partner, upon returning from the Navy, reciprocated my feelings, which led to a long and significant period of happiness.

Timing and Relationship Dynamics

The timing of breaking up with my ex-partner and the return of my crush from the Navy created a complex set of circumstances. I was mid-way through an emotional and difficult divorce, which made the start of a new relationship particularly challenging. After the divorce, we were, in fact, able to start anew, and our relationship lasted for 9 long and happy years. It was the longest and happiest relationship I had ever experienced, but as with all relationships, complications arose that led to its end.

Enduring Friendship

Despite the end of the romantic relationship, we maintained a strong friendship, and we remain the best of friends to this day, over 30 years later. This enduring friendship demonstrates how the fundamental connection of shared experiences and understanding can transcend the typical romantic expectations and endure even after a relationship concludes.

Through this story, I hope to illustrate the complexity and beauty of attraction that goes beyond physical appearance. Understanding and appreciating the nuances of these attractions can help us navigate our relationships with greater depth and sensitivity.